


You know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn't do.

by smile_it_will_get_better



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Mike Wheeler, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Cute gay romance, Eddie Kaspbrak-centric, Eddie and El are not biological siblings but they act like they are, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Friendship, Exploring your Sexuality, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Will Byers, Good Parent Jim "Chief" Hopper, Good Parent Joyce Byers, I just don't like her, I'm really bad at tagging omg, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Mike Wheeler, Jealous Richie Tozier, Jealousy, M/M, Monsters, Mutual Pining, Parental Jim "Chief" Hopper, Season Three re-write, She's dead but I do not gloss over the issues she put onto Eddie, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Stranger Things 3, Will Byers Has Shadow Monster | Mind Flayer Powers, and then gay love, it's cool, sibling dynamics, they are just a super cute couple okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smile_it_will_get_better/pseuds/smile_it_will_get_better
Summary: Sonia Kasprack was only 48 years old when she had a stroke, dying almost immediately. Eddie was the one to find her, still sitting in her armchair, her eyes blankly staring at the silent tv.Her young son Eddie was sent to live in Hawkins Indiana with her brother, who she hasn't talked to in years. Just like that, Eddie is thrown into a new world away from his friends and crush Richie Tozier. But at least he has a cool new sorta sister and a great new group of friends. And maybe he'll even be able to explore his sexuality here, who knows!!..."What if we, I mean, just a thought, you don't actually have to agree, but what if we tried it, you know, with each other?"Eddie blinked, staring at Will with wide eyes."You mean we kiss and date each other to cope with the fact that our crushes don't like us back and probably never will?""When you put it like that it sounds bad!"...Basically just a season three re-write where I throw Eddie into the mix and make it super gay. Enjoy!
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Joyce Byers/Jim "Chief" Hopper, The Losers Club - Relationship, The Party - Relationship, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler, but only for a little bit - Relationship
Comments: 31
Kudos: 268





	1. Sunlight Pouring Across Your Skin

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many other fics that need to be updated... instead I'm doing this... 
> 
> This idea had been in my head for a very long time, so I decided what the heck, let's go for it. So here's the first chapter, which is really just setting everything up. I promise the next few will be a lot more interesting.

Eddie Kaspbrak sat in the Derry Police Station, and he listed off all the places he would rather be than here. 

The arcade. The Quarry. The Clubhouse. Any of the Losers houses. Literally any other place in this goddamned town. 

But he was here, and there was no making this go away by desperate wishing and hoping. Eddie had to learn the dangers of foolish hoping years ago, and now he knew that hoping and wishing wouldn’t make this go away. 

His mother lived an unhealthy life. That was for sure. She would tell him that he couldn’t eat sugar, that it would make him diabetic if he even touched it. She would force bland tasting vegetables down his throat until he gagged, and then would turn around and eat bags of chips immediately after. Eddie wouldn’t say that he was surprised when she developed diabetes. 

What surprised him was her refusal to get help, claiming that he wasn’t sick, that despite her worsening health, Eddie was the one still at risk. 

She was only 48 years old when she had a stroke, dying almost immediately. Eddie was the one to find her, still sitting in her armchair, her eyes blankly staring at the silent tv. 

And now he was here, still in his pajamas and shivering because the air conditioning was on and the police chief refused to turn it down. 

“Do you have anyone you can stay with?” The secretary was asking him. She looked bored out of her mind. “A friend or something until we can contact a relative to come pick you up?” 

“I have a few friends yeah,” Eddie whispered, not even able to stare at her. He focused on the coffee stain on the wall. He wondered how that could happen. He wondered what was going to happen to him. 

“Mr. Kaspbrak?” Chief Anker said, waving at him from where he stood in the doorway. “You can come in now.” 

He said it so professionally, and Eddie was reminded of a hospital, the detached and clinical voice of a doctor calling him in for his thousandth test. Numbly, Eddie stood up and marched into the office. 

“We managed to locate some family of yours son,” Chief Anker said, his voice low and gruff. He was the replacement after Henry Bowers killed his dad. Not as cruel as Chief Bowers was, but just as stupid. Which was fine. All adults in Derry were stupid. “Your mother's brother.” 

“My mother doesn’t have any brothers,” Eddie said. Didn’t. He reminds himself. She didn’t. Cause she’s dead now. “Only two sisters.” 

“Well that doesn’t add up,” Chief Anker chuckled. “Her family tree includes a brother. He’s the only one qualified enough to take you in.” 

“What about my aunts?” He asked, despite not wanting to live with them. They were just carbon copies of his mother. Then again, his uncle probably was too. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities that his mother secretly had a brother. They probably had a fight and just like that, he was gone, erased from his mother’s life just like that. 

“Your one aunt has a criminal record,” The chief said. “And the other claimed she doesn’t have the time or money for another child, not when dealing with the heartbreaking news of her sisters’ death. Your uncle is your last hope.” 

“And if he doesn’t want me?” 

“You go to foster care.” 

Eddie felt his stomach flip, every single horror story about the system flashing inside his mind. He heard stories of abuse, of kids getting swept under the rug, being forgotten and lost inside the never-ending system. He didn’t want that. 

“Why can’t I just stay here?” He asked. “I’m sure some of my friend’s parents can look after me, and I’m old enough that I don’t even need a parent.” 

“Eddie,” Chief Anker sighed. “That’s illegal. Those are your two options.” 

Eddie felt like crying. A little over ten hours ago he woke up to find his mothers dead body in his living room, and now he was being told that he was most likely going to be forced to go live far away with a man he didn’t even know existed. 

“Where does he live?” Eddie whispered. Maybe it wouldn’t be that far. Maybe he wouldn’t have to leave his friends behind. He couldn’t imagine life without the Losers. It was absolutely incomprehensible. 

Him and his mother had drifted apart since their fight a year ago, the two of them practically strangers living in the same house. He could live without her, even though her death had still shocked and saddened him. But the Losers were a special part of him, his true family. He can’t move away without them. 

“Hawkins Indiana,” The chief said. “Around fifteen hours away.” 

Fifteen hours. Fifteen hours away from the place he always called home, from the friends he deemed family. Uprooted and thrown into a weird town without the people he loved. He put his head in his hands, tears coming to his eyes for the first time today. 

He hadn’t been able to cry over his mother, too much in shock from her abrupt death to have time to process and grieve for her. It still felt like a dream, all of this shit, like he would wake up to his mom calling him and everything would be normal again. 

He pinched himself, the skin in his arm stinging sharply as his nails dug into the skin, but he didn’t wake up. He was still in the police station. His mom was still dead. He was still moving out to fucking Hawkins Indiana. 

“His name is Jim Hopper,” The chief continued softly. “He recently adopted another girl your age, Jane. He said he can’t be sure about adopting you, but he agreed to give it a try and see if you would fit in with his family. If not, I’m sorry to say that you would have to go foster care.” 

Great, so now this was a test. He was moving to a place where he might not even be able to stay. He still had the chance of getting tossed into the foster system even if he agreed to go to this guys place. 

“He’s actually the chief of police down there,” Chief Anker said, sounding proud. “A good man.” 

“How long do I have,” Eddie cut him off, not really wanting to listen to how great his long-lost uncle was. He wanted to know how much time he had left before his entire world crumbled in on itself. 

“A week,” The chief said. “Mr. Hopper said you could come in a week.”

_________________________________

“You’re adopting another kid?” Joyce Byers said, her arms crossed and a look of exasperation on her face. 

“I am not adopting him,” Hopper replied for the thousandth time, rubbing the sides of his head. “He’s my sisters’ kid, the asshole who phoned me guilt-tripped me into agreeing.” 

“Or maybe you just have a soft spot,” Joyce huffed, shaking her head and shoving more products onto a shelf. 

It was telling that the first-person Hopper told was Joyce, because that meant driving halfway across town to do something he could have waited to do or even called her for, but he needed to tell someone, and Joyce was the only person he really trusted. 

He had woken up that morning in a good mood, ready to go to work and then come home and have a nice dinner with El for the first time in a few weeks, since Mike was too busy to come over. All that changed when he got a call from the police station in Derry Maine, which he didn’t even know existed. 

Apparently, his little sister who he hadn’t talked to in years had died, leaving behind her young son with nowhere to go. He found himself impartial about Sonia’s death, sure a part of him was sad, but his sister was a horrible person anyway, and they hadn’t spoken in years ever since their fight. 

But Eddie, that was a different story. At first, Hopper was very much against it, since he was still only slowly integrating El into society. She had only started going to school that year, and she was slowly getting used to having a normal life. And one hormonal teenager was enough, he didn’t think he could handle two. 

But the kid had nowhere to go, his father having died years ago and his mother not providing any backup plan for him. His two other sister denied the child right off the bat, and Hopper knew that he was the kid's last hope before the foster system. 

And okay, maybe a part of him wanted to meet the kid his sister raised. He just hoped he was nothing like her. He remembered Eddie as a child, back before Sonia and him had their blow out fight. He was so small, with curly brown hair and a smile that could warm any heart. Him and Sarah had gotten along well, the two babies playing. He wanted to see what he was like as a teenager, after years of time between meetings. 

So he agreed to have Eddie stay here on temporary matters, agreeing to keep him for three months before making a final decision. He just hoped it wasn’t a bad idea, he hoped it wouldn’t blow up in his face. 

He wondered how El was going to react when he told her, on one hand, she might be ecstatic to have a sibling, on the other she might not be fond of having a stranger close to her. Crap, he really should have talked to her first before agreeing. But they had a week before Eddie showed up, so he was sure he could convince her this was a good thing. 

Was he even sure this was a good thing?

“How should I tell El?” He asked, following Joyce around the store. He hoped he didn’t look too ridiculous. 

“Just tell her the truth,” Joyce said, as if it was easy. “And don’t put it off. She’ll want to know as soon as possible.” 

“Got it,” He nodded. “Tell the truth and don’t put it off. I can do that.” 

________________________

He put it off for three more days. 

He knew it wasn’t the best idea, but every time he debated telling her, he would lose the words inside his mouth and chicken out again. Who knew talking to teenagers could be so hard? 

But he knew he had to do it. Eddie was coming down to their house on Monday, and if he didn’t give her at least a few days warning, she would murder him. And if she absolutely hated it, he needed time to cancel and hope the kid could find somewhere else to stay. 

“Hey El?” He asked, knocking on her door. She was reading some book that Dustin gave her on science. It looked boring. “Can I talk to you?” 

She nodded, sitting up and he entered awkwardly, wondering if he should sit or not. He chose not to, instead leaning against the door. 

“So, um, a few days ago I got news that my sister had passed away,” He started, rehearsing what he wanted to say. 

“You're sad?” She asked, a troubled look on her face. 

“No, that’s not it,” He told her quickly. “We weren’t close. But she has a son around your age, and he has nowhere to go. I, um, well I offered to let him stay here.” 

El blinked for a moment, before she suddenly sat up, her eyes sparkling and a smile spreading across her lips. 

“I get a brother?” She asked. 

“Sorta,” Hopper laughed at her childlike joy. “I mean I haven’t adopted him yet, and I don’t even know if I will, but he’ll pretty much be your brother yeah.” 

“What’s he like? Is he nice?” El asked rapid-fire questions, bouncing on the bed slightly in a way that reminded him sort of like a puppy. “Will I like him?” 

“I don’t know kid,” Hopper laughed, a grin also forcing its way onto his mouth. “I’ve never met him. I just hope he’s nothing like my sister.” 

“Was she a bad person?” El asked, suddenly very grave. 

“She wasn’t bad,” Hopper said, reflecting back on his relationship with Sonia. “We just had a conflict of interest. Or two. She had her faults.” 

And now she was dead. He let himself feel a pang of guilt for that. His sister wasn’t a bad person, not really. In fact she was wonderful up until Frank died. The two of them were quite close actually, Sonia having her problems but overall being a good sister. He thought Frank and her made a really good couple. But when Frank died, well she changed. 

Her sunshine personality was lost, and it was like a part of her was lost too. She became obsessed with Eddie, barely letting him do anything and constantly claiming him to be sick. The two of them had a fight one night over it, after Eddie fell down the stairs. He thought she was smothering him, the boy was skinny, on three different types of medications for no reason, and she was practically dragging him to the car with a grip so tight on his arm that he was worried she would break it. 

She told him to get out of her house and never come back. They hadn’t talked since. 

And now Eddie was all grown up and coming to live with him and El, and somehow Hopper was going to have to make that work, because the kid had no one else to turn to, and El seemed ecstatic to have a sibling. So this was happening. 

“He’ll have to use your room for a while,” Hopper told her. “Unless you’re too uncomfortable with that. I can sleep on the couch and give him my room if that’s better.” 

“No,” El shook her head fiercely. “He can stay with me. I’m okay with that. I want him to stay with me.”

“Okay kid,” Hopper nodded, breathing out a sigh of relief. The couch would have ruined his back. “He’ll be here on Monday, so don’t make any plans. I want you to show him around.” 

“Okay,” Hopper said with a smile. “It’s a plan.” 

After that he went online and bought everything he figured he needed to house another kid. An extra mattress, another chair, he pulled out an old chest of his so the kid would have somewhere to put his things before they got him a wardrobe. They cleaned the entire house three times to ensure that nothing looked bad, and the night before Eddie was scheduled to come over both Hopper and Eleven stayed up most of the night too consumed by worries to properly sleep. 

They had agreed to keep her powers a secret from Eddie, at least until they knew he was trustworthy and that they were going to let him stay with them. They didn’t want to spread the secret to anyone untrustworthy. 

But they had a good feeling. Their life was about to change, and for once they were both okay with that. 

_________________________________

It was the morning of Eddie’s departure, and he kind of wanted to cry. 

Him and the rest of the Loser’s club were standing at the bus station, Eddie clutching onto Bill for dear life. His best friend was hugging him back just as tightly, sniffing slightly. Eddie didn’t want to go. He wanted to say here with his friends, where he would know he was safe and welcomed and accepted. 

He wanted to be able to keep going to the Quarry, to lounge in the clubhouse and sneak into the Aladdin through the back door. He wanted to be able to fool around with his friends on his bike and laugh at Richie’s jokes and complain about Bev smoking. 

He didn’t want to leave home; he didn’t want to leave his friends. 

He pulled away from Bill, watching his normally stoic friend wipe the tears from his cheeks. 

“You b-better visit,” Bill said firmly, a small smile on his lips. “Or else I’ll be muh-mad at you.” 

“Couldn’t keep me away,” Eddie said with a smile that fooled no one. 

“Come here,” Bev said from his side, pulling him into a hug. She smelled like cigarette and cleaning supplies. It was comforting. He fisted her shirt in his hands and took a deep breath in, trying to memorize the scent. She pulled away, patting his cheek lightly. He would miss her and her advice, her jokes, her smile.

“See you later Bev,” He whispered. 

“You bet Eddie.” 

He turned to Ben, who had a slight redness to his cheeks that Eddie found adorable. 

“I made this for you.” Ben said, shoving a piece of paper towards him. It was a picture of the seven of them in the Quarry, all of them laughing and smiling. He didn’t remember who took the picture. On the back was a poem, one that Eddie decided to read later. 

“Thanks Ben,” Eddie said, surging forwards to hug him too. The other boy gladfully returned the hug, and Eddie would miss their library study dates and their late-night conversations about books. “I love it.” 

He turned to Stan, who shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. Eddie didn’t hesitate to launch himself at him, hugging him tightly as well. Stan stood there for a moment, his hands hovering awkwardly before they finally returned the affection. 

“I’ll take pictures of all the cool birds and send them to you,” Eddie promised. “I’ll even look up some stupid facts about them for you.” 

“I’ll miss you,” Stan whispered. Stan, his first friend, with his dry humor and blinding smiles, who never failed to understand Eddie even when Eddie didn’t even understand himself. 

“I’ll miss you too.” 

He pulled away, turning to Mike who was watching them with a sad smile. 

“The animals are going to miss you,” Mike warned him, pulling him in for a hug that Eddie was glad to return. Mike gave the best hugs, since he was always warm and had the strongest arms from working on the farm. He had also grown a lot in the past year and Eddie didn’t, so he practically engulphed Eddie in the hug.

“I’ll miss them more,” Eddie protested, pulling away. “Feed all the chickens for me okay?” 

"I promise,” Mike smiled, patting his shoulder. 

And finally Eddie turned to Richie, standing in the back with his hands in his pocket, oddly quiet for the time being. He looked troubled, but managed to smile when Eddie looked over at him. It was clearly fake but it sent shivers up Eddie’s spine anyways. 

Eddie had a lot of problems with Richie, and the biggest one of them was the fact that he had a big fat crush on him, something that took him almost two years to accept and even allow himself to think about it. 

Truth was that even as annoying as Richie was, Eddie enjoyed every minute of their time spent together, and he was his best friend, someone who never failed to make Eddie laugh, never failed to make Eddie feel at home. 

He had stayed with Richie after his mom died, and he cherished every single moment of it. The only problem was that it was over now. And he probably wouldn’t be able to see him for a very long time. 

“Come here Trashmouth,” Eddie whispered, and like a spell was broken Richie took two long strides and practically picked Eddie up, his head buried in Eddie’s shoulders. He was crying, something that kind of unnerved Eddie, but he didn’t want to think about it. He was crying too. 

“Please don’t go,” Richie whispered. 

“I don’t want to.” 

“So don’t.” 

“I have to,” Eddie said, clutching onto Richie tighter. “I wish I didn’t have to, but I have no choice.” 

“I’m going to miss you so fucking much Eds,” Richie whispered. 

“I’ll miss you too Rich,” Eddie replied, pulling away, his vision blurred slightly. “I have to go. My bus is leaving soon.” 

He had his two small suitcases beside him. He didn’t want to keep a lot of his things. He looked around at the Losers, his true family, and he didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay here with them. But he wasn’t allowed to. Instead, he was forced to go to some little town in the middle of nowhere to live with a man he had only met as a small child. 

“Bye Eddie,” Bill said, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “Call us okay?” 

“Of course I will,” Eddie said, backing up a step, his eyes locked onto Richie. He wanted to memorize every line of his face, the way his hair hung over his eyes, his stupid glasses that highlighted his beautiful eyes. “Don’t have too much fun without me.” 

The joke was flat. 

“We won’t,” Stan promised. “Don’t make too many new friends.” 

“I won’t,” Eddie replied. “None of them could compare to you guys anyways.” 

They stood there for another long moment, and Eddie wanted to turn his back on the bus and run back to the Tozier’s place and live there forever. 

Instead, he gave his family one last shaky smile and turned his back on them, walking to the bus towards his new life.


	2. your shadow flat on the wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy! Just for a little timeline, this happens around two years after Pennywise and a couple of months before the start of season three.

It took sixteen hours to get to Hawkins. 

Sixteen long hours of Eddie wishing he could just climb off and run back to Derry, as shitty of a town Derry was. He hated Derry with a passion, you couldn’t deny that. With its horrible parents and slurs written on any public surface, it was fair to say that Eddie had never really felt at home there. Not to mention the fact that there was an ancient evil lurking in the form of a shapeshifting clown hiding in the sewers. 

He really hoped that he wouldn’t have to deal with any more monsters. He was all monstered out after It and dealing with Bowers. The past year had been better, ever since they killed It together the Loser’s Club had really come together, the seven of them becoming best friends. But there was always the lingering fear, the memories haunting them all. 

They had coped best they could, but Eddie just hoped he’d be okay without the support of his friends. He hoped they would be okay too. 

He would call them constantly though, keep in touch with them and hope that they wouldn’t forget him. 

That was the biggest issue he had with this move. He knew that his friends loved him, knew that they cared about him, but at the same time a little voice in the back of his head told him he was replaceable, that he wasn’t that vital to their dynamic, that they had already forgotten about him. The voice sounded an awful lot like his mother.

Eddie continued to stare out the window, clutching his duffle bag to his chest as tightly as he dared. Inside was everything he figured he needed for the trip. Some sandwiches that Maggie Tozier packed him, some water bottles, Ben’s poem, and an old sweater of Richie’s that he stole before leaving. Richie told him to take it as a memento. 

He pulled out the sweater now, wrapping it around himself and shrinking into it. It was obnoxiously large on him, but it smelled like cigarettes, car freshener, and cologne that was clearly Richie’s fathers. He turned to stare at the window, hoping that time would pass faster and he could just get this all done and over with. 

An hour or so later he pulled up to Hawkins bus station, climbing off uncertainly and picking up his suitcase, looking around for any sign of what he was to do. He was told someone would be here to meet him, but he could see no one that looked remotely interested in him. Should he sit and wait? Should he go inside? Should he ask around? 

As he was contemplating his options, he heard the pounding of feet. The door to leading outside flew open, and an out of breath man was standing there in a police suit, panting slightly with his suit slightly askew. 

“Are you Eddie Kaspbrak?” The man asked, squinting at him. 

“Um, yeah,” Eddie squeaked out, stepping back slightly. His suitcases were in front of him like a pathetic shield. 

“Thank god, we were told you were getting here three hours earlier than you actually were,” The man sighed. “I’m Jim Hopper.” 

He stuck a hand out, stepping closer to Eddie, and then stopped, forcing Eddie to be the one to step forwards to shake it if he wanted. 

Eddie took a breath, sneaking out from behind his suitcases and shaking the man’s hand, he had a firm handshake. 

“You’re my uncle,” Eddie said, wanting to make sure. 

“That I am,” Hopper confirmed. “My daughter is in the lobby if you want to meet her? I was thinking we could go get some food and then back to our place. You must be tired.” 

The man seemed awkward, almost like he was out of his comfort zone. Eddie didn’t blame him; he was super uncomfortable with this situation too. How do you interact with your uncle who you just met after your mom died and now you have to live with him for an intermediate amount of time. There were no guidelines for that. 

“Yeah,” Was all Eddie could find to say. Hopper shifted from foot to foot for a second, before just nodding and turning to walk away, reaching out to grab one of Eddie’s suitcases. Eddie followed in the other. They entered the small station, and there was a young girl around his age sitting in a chair, stormily staring at the wall. 

She perked up when they entered, her head turning and she blinked super slow, almost like she couldn’t believe her eyes. Then she stood up in a hurry, almost tripping over her own feet to come towards them. 

“Hi!” She said, smiling brightly, sticking a hand towards him. “I’m El.” 

“Hi,” He said faintly, reaching out a hand and shaking it. She had a much tighter grip than normal, almost like she was trying to crush his hand while shaking it. “I’m Eddie.” 

“Awesome,” She grinned, before looking up at Hopper. “Food?” 

“Yeah kid, we can get some food,” Hopper said with a grin. “My cars just outside okay?” 

He started walking again, so Eddie continued to follow him, El falling in step beside him. 

“Is El short for Ellie or something?” He asked, turning to her. 

“Eleven,” She told him. 

“Eleven what?” 

“It stands for Eleven,” She shrugged. “I normally go by El, sometimes Jane.” 

Eddie blinked, wondering who the hell would name their kid _Eleven_ , but then again who the hell spends years convincing their child that they were deathly sick? He couldn’t really go around judging people about their childhoods. 

“But you prefer El?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” She nodded. 

“El it is,” He agreed, smiling hesitantly at her before they got into the car. He saw El and Hopper exchange a look when he turned away, but he wasn’t able to decipher what it meant. Once he was out of sight of them, he put his head in his hands, tears stinging his eyes and he wished so hard that he could be sitting in the Tozier’s house, lounging on Richie’s bed and listening to his crappy music. 

__________________

So far, Hopper thinks that everything is going fairly smooth. Other than the whole issue with the timing. The idiot chief at the other town told them to be there hours early, causing both El and him to freak out thinking that the boy had somehow gotten lost on his way there. But Eddie had gotten there in the end, and now they were sitting in some dinner in town, Eddie and El happily munching on an ice cream sundae. 

Hopper is studying the boy, who he really can’t get a good read on. 

He was small, almost unnaturally. He was already short for his age, and adding on top of that was his thinness, not overly unhealthy, but definitely not on the healthy range either. Hopper would have to get him back to a normal weight, which wasn’t necessarily a problem, but more of a note. 

He was polite enough, chatting quietly with El, his manners a lot more subdued than her enthusiasm, but Hopper could chalk that up to nerves and tiredness. It was a long drive anyways. But there was an odd matureness to him, an aura that practically belted that there was something that made him grow up way too fast. He saw it in all the kids here too. 

He wanted to pry, wanted to ask how his sister raised him, what caused the unnatural air around him, what put that heavy look in his eyes there. But the kid had just gotten there, and he was very clearly tired and overwhelmed and who was he to shovel more onto the kid? 

“You two almost done here?” Hopper asked, finishing up his own burger. El had a cheeseburger, and Eddie had opted for just plain fries, which he only picked at. Hopper let the two of them share a single ice cream sundae, and the two of them had argued for a solid five minutes on if they wanted a caramel or chocolate one. They settled on strawberry. 

“Yeah,” El, finally putting her spoon down. There were a few more scoops of ice cream, but Eddie’ immediately followed her lead, his spoon quickly abandoned in the waste. 

“I’ll throw our garbage away,” Eddie said, and before Hopper could say that he could do that, Eddie was up, grabbing their wrappers and heading to the garbage. 

“He’s nice,” El said, dragging his attention away from the young boy. “I like him.” 

“I’m glad,” Hopper sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “Let’s go home so he can rest. I think he’s tired.” 

El nodded, standing up and pulling the sleeve of her sweater over her hand. It was a bit of a nervous habit of hers, one that Hopper had noticed and was looking out for to make sure that he knew when she was upset or uncertain. The two of them had been on uneasy water ever since she had started seriously dating Mike and bringing him home to constantly bug him about his three inches rule. 

But he still tried to be the best father he could, and that included picking up on the signs of stress and anxiety that she sometimes still showed. 

“What’s up?” He asked quietly, glancing over at Eddie, who was still throwing out the garbage for some reason. 

“What if he doesn’t like me?” El asked, staring up at Hopper, her teeth darting out to chew at her lips. 

“I’m sure he does,” Hopper reassured her, the awkwardness settling on his shoulders. He wanted to help her, to reassure her that she was doing wonderful and that Eddie would like her just as much as she already liked him. But it was a lot of stress, he didn’t read enough parenting novels to understand how to deal with these things. But he was trying. “Of course he’ll like you kid, what’s not to like?” 

She giggled, the nervousness falling away from her face a bit more, and she perked up as Eddie wandered back over to them, his own hands fiddling with the edge of his pink polo shirt. Hopper wondered if that was his nervous sign too. 

“You ready to go kid?” Hopper asked, and Eddie and El both nodded. “Let’s go then.” 

The three of them marched towards the car, Eddie and El climbing into the back in silence. It was fine, with the horrible music playing on his radio. It didn’t feel awkward, just quiet, like they were all lost in deep thought, the silence fragile enough that none of them dared to bother it. 

They were home in a matter of minutes. 

“You want to show him around while I finish setting up his bed?” Hopper asked El, despite knowing that Eddie’s bed was already made up. There was something he had to do first.

_____________________

Eddie concluded that the cabin was nice, if not a little in the middle of nowhere. It was smaller than his old house, but that was fine, because weirdly enough this place felt more like a home. 

Despite the small quarters, it was obviously lived in, with a warm fire crackling in the fireplace, Eddie wondered if it had been on all day since that was a missive fire hazard, and photo hung on the walls, dishes in the sink and magnets stuck to the fridge. 

His own house had been almost clinical. There had been no photos on the walls, since his mother claimed they could fall and injure him. He just knew that it hurt her to see photos of his dad after his death. There were no magnets on the fridge, no dishes int eh sink and magazines laying across the floor. The only sound in the house was the constant buzz of his mother’s television. 

This place felt lived in. His old home felt like a set to a play, meant to look like a house, but it didn’t feel like a home. 

A childish part of him hoped that he could find his home here. 

El and him were sitting in front of the old tv, El showing him how to turn it on and off. 

“We’re only allowed a couple of hours each day,” She was telling him. “But I like to watch soap operas.” 

“So did my mom,” Eddie said without really thinking, the exhaustion setting into his bones. “She used to watch them all day.” 

“I don’t think I could watch them all day,” El wrinkled her nose. “But I normally manage a couple of hours.” 

Eddie just gave her a closed-lipped smile, eyes wandering around the place. He used to wonder what it was like to live in a cabin, before his mom told him about the dangers of house fires and crumbling walls and unstable support beams. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” El asked. “It’s late.” 

“Yeah, I would like that,” Eddie nodded, feeling the fatigue behind his eyes. He just wanted to crash for a couple hundred hours. Then wake up and call his friends. “Where am I sleeping?” 

“In the room with me,” El said cheerfully. 

“Oh,” Eddie said, suddenly feeling very awkward. “Is that okay?” 

“I don’t mind,” El shrugged. “Let’s go.” 

“You two heading off to bed?” Hopper asked form where he sat in the kitchen, boiling a pot of water. “Make sure the brush your teeth first. If you want to unpack Eddie you can, I brought your suitcases in.” 

“Thank you,” Eddie said politely, smiling at him and shifting from foot to foot. “Um, I just wanted to say thank you.” 

“For what?” Hopper said, not unkindly. 

“For taking me in, you didn’t have to do that,” Eddie said, not meeting the man’s eyes. “It was nice of you.” 

“Of course kid,” Hopper said. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you on your own. I’m just sorry I had to tear you away from your friends back in Derry.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie sighed. “So am I.” 

He turned without another word, padding into the room he and El were to share. It was small, definitely not meant for two people, but they had somehow made it work. There was a small wooden chest in the corner with his name stuck onto it with a sticky note. He brought his suitcase towards it and left them there, too tired to properly unpack. He brought out his toothbrush and quickly brushed his teeth while Hopper stayed in the kitchen and El whispered into something that looked almost like a walkie talky. He didn’t question her. 

Instead, he finished getting ready for bed, wandered back into the room, muttered a quick goodnight to El, and collapsed onto his bed. 

Only, there was a lump in the blanket that felt suspiciously like a book. He sat up, digging under the blankets as his hand closed around a long book. He pulled it out, staring at the cover. It was a photo album, the cover photo a snapshot of a smiling family. In the middle, he recognized his own mother, smiling and laughing. He had never seen her that happy before. 

He put the album on the ground, tears stinging his eyes and he entered the blankets, lifting them over his head as he tried to finally fall asleep. 

_____________________________

He woke up the next day way too early for him to feel even remotely rested. El was still asleep in her bed, so he snuck out as quietly as he could, grabbing some clothes as he went. The bathroom was close enough to the bedroom that he was sure that even if Hopper was awake, he wouldn’t have noticed him. 

He quickly changed for the day, brushing his teeth and washing his hands and face, linking through the shock of cold water, hoping it would help bring feeling back to his skin. He quickly dried off and wandered back into the living room, dropping off his pajamas and making sure El was still fast asleep. She was. 

Hopper wasn’t anywhere in sight, so Eddie guessed that he was sleeping as well. It was only around 7 am, his internal clock still used to getting up when his mother's shrill voice called out to him, asking for a hug before she went off to work. Even in the summer, his days started early. He knew it would be a bad habit to break. 

He had no idea how early the two of them got up, but Eddie figured it would be soon, since Hopper did work in the station. So he sat in the living room for around twenty minutes, flipping through one of the books that were sitting on the coffee table. When he heard an alarm go off in Hopper's room, then the telltale noise of someone smashing the snooze, Eddie got up and wandered to the kitchen. 

He rummaged around a bit, pulling out a pan and some eggs, turning on the stove and starting to cook. He wasn’t sure how the two of them liked their eggs, but he found himself doing it like normal, scrambling them with ease, adding in any spices that he could find. He rummaged around for a bit more, finding a few potatoes that he quickly cut up into small pieces, tossing them into another pan and starting some hash browns. 

By the time Hopper came out, still buttoning his shirt and looking majorly confused, Eddie had finished both the eggs and hash browns, and was pouring a glass of orange juice for the man. 

“I didn’t know what you normally eat,” Eddie said casually as he pushed the plate towards the man, who was still staring at him a confused look on his face, like he had forgotten that Eddie was supposed to be there. “So I just used what you had to make eggs and hash browns. Hope you don’t mind. There’s enough for El too if she wants some.” 

“She won’t be up for another hour or so,” Hopper said, finally taking a seat and staring at the plate. “You shouldn’t be up this early either. Aren’t you tired?” 

“I’m good,” Eddie replied, turning away to hide a yawn. Truth was that he felt like he was going to fall over. They hadn’t gotten back until late last night, meaning he probably had a little under five hours of sleep. He’d just have to collapse earlier tonight. “How is it?” 

“It’s really good Eddie,” Hopper told him, and Eddie relaxed at the warmth in the man’s voice. That was good, he hadn’t really messed up yet. “Thanks kid.” 

Eddie smiled to himself, moving the pans to the sink as he started to scrub. There was still enough eggs and hash browns for both him and El to eat some later. 

“How long are you working today?” Eddie asked, the silence grating on his ears. 

“Only the morning shift, should be back by eleven,” Hopper said. “But I’m on call all day, like usual. Not like much goes on here anymore.” 

“Small towns,” Eddie mused. “Not much ever happens there huh.” 

Other than Derry, where kids routinely get viciously murdered and bullies tend to have a sadistic and murderous side. He wondered if anything interesting had ever happened in Hawkins. 

“Nope,” Hopper said, laughing to himself as if there was some joke that Eddie wasn’t let in on. “Nothing ever happens here.” 

Eddie decided not to question it. 

_______________________________ 

El woke up shortly after Hopper went to work, wandering into the kitchen with tired eyes. 

“Smells good,” She said, smiling shyly at him. 

“Thanks,” Eddie said, pushing the food towards her. 

“You made it?” El asked. “Hopper can’t cook.” 

“I’m sure he does his best,” Eddie said awkwardly, having already eaten his food. “Are we doing anything today?” 

He didn’t want to seem co-dependent. But this was his first proper day in town, and he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. Did he stay in? Wander around? School was out, so it wasn’t like he could pass his days by smothering himself in homework and hoping he didn’t get ruthlessly bullied in this school. 

He had a peaceful few years after Henry Bowers was arrested for the murder of his father, friends, and all the other missing kids in town. Even if he only committed half those murders himself. Eddie was fine with him getting the blame for what Pennywise did, it gave closure to the families, knowing that whatever killed their kids was supposedly behind bars, when in reality there was an evil lurking below them that none of them can comprehend. 

“Nothing today. But tomorrow Mike was going to help show you around,” El said, a sappy grin on her face. “He knows the town better than me.” 

“Who’s Mike?” Eddie asked, his mind automatically imagining up his friend back at home. At once, his chest ached, almost like he was in the beginning of an asthma attack, when in reality, it was just the solid ache of loss without his friends by his side. He missed them already. Maybe he would try to call them today. 

“My boyfriend,” El said, her grin widening. “You’ll like him.” 

“A boyfriend huh?” Eddie said, feeling a bit at ease with El’s own infectious happiness. “Do I get to play the overprotective brother role?” 

“Overprotective brother?” El asked, looking kind of confused. Eddie hoped he hadn’t offended her. “Is that like what Hopper does when he demands we keep the door open?” 

Eddie laughed, the image of Hopper being crazy strict on something El apparently never followed was funny. And he didn’t actually hurt El’s feelings, so that was good too. He wondered how long he would dance around the two of them. How long he would feel like a stranger. 

It was his first day after all, so maybe he was being a bit dramatic. Of course he wasn’t going to fit in here well right off the bat, his place was in Derry beside his friends, not here. He would just have to learn to live with it for now. 

“Yeah,” Eddie finally replied. “Maybe I’ll just stick with the out of place loser for now.” 

El only hummed, still shoving food into her mouth. Eddie wandered back to the couch, pulling out the book once again. It was some kind of murder mystery, not normally Eddie’s type of book, but it wasn’t half bad. 

The rest of the day passed easily, El and Eddie mostly just talking and getting to know each other. They got along pretty well, and even if El’s sentences were sometimes a bit curt and she didn’t understand a lot of the references he made; they had a lot in common. Most of their time was spent watching tv shows and discussing the soap operas they both had watched. 

Normally, watching tv programs was something he wasn’t a big fan of, because it was done beside his mother, who would make comments that Eddie didn’t always like. But with El, he found himself laughing a lot, enjoying the time they spent. 

When Hopper came home, the three of them decided to play a board game. One that Hopper won every time. El liked to cheat, and Eddie had helped her do it a lot, but somehow Hopper always ended out on top. He went to bed that night exhausted, but a sense of peace in his chest. It wasn’t home, and it wasn’t perfect, but maybe he could make it work. 

____________________

The next day Eddie woke up with nerves, but he managed to shove them down the best he could. They were already getting ready to leave, Mike’s older sister apparently coming to get them. 

“Nancy,” El informed him. “She’s nice.” 

That was that, and Eddie got ready for a day in town. It was a decently nice day out, so he decided to wear a pair of his favorite shorts and a baby blue shirt. El chose to wear a nice pair of jeans and a stylish sweater, one that Eddie actually quite liked. 

She was flying over to the door the second someone nocked, throwing it open and hugging the boy standing there firmly.

“Mike, meet Eddie,” El said, grinning and turning to gesture to Eddie, who stood there awkwardly. 

“Hi,” The boy said, and Eddie spent a second taking his appearance in. Weirdly enough, he kind of reminded Eddie of Richie, in the barest of ways. They had similar wild hair and skinny arms and legs that looked almost too big to be comfortable. But that’s where the similarities stopped. 

“Hi,” Eddie replied. They stood there for a long moment in silence, the three of them seeming uncertain on how to continue. 

“Well, um, let’s get going?” Mike said, wiping his hands on his jeans before turning to El and smiling. 

“Sure,” Eddie said, uncertainly following behind them. They climbed into a car, a pretty girl in the front driving. It was clear she was Mike’s sister, even if their hair colors were different. It was more the air surrounding them that clued him in. 

“Hi,” The girl greeted. “I’m Nancy.” 

“Eddie,” He greeted, smiling at her softly. He wasn’t sure what to make of her and Mike, but he was going to be polite anyway. 

“Oh!” Mike said once they pulled out onto the road. “I invited Will, I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Will’s our friend,” El explained. “He’s good.” 

Eddie only nodded, wondering how many new people he could meet before he burst. One more person couldn’t hurt. 

Only, when they pulled up to the small house a couple of minutes away, it seemed like Eddie was expected to meet everyone inside the house. 

Standing on the porch were three people, a boy their age, a boy Nancy’s age, and a woman who was probably their mother. The four of them all climbed out, and Eddie hung back a bit as everyone went to greet their friends. Nancy kisses the older boy, Johnathan if he heard correctly, so Eddie figured they were together too. The younger boy, Will, smiled at him warmly, his face kind as he stuck a hand out for Eddie to shake. 

“I’m Will,” The boy said. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you too,” Eddie nodded, and he couldn’t help the smile on his lips. “I’m Eddie.” 

“It’s nice to put a name to the face,” The woman said. “I’m Joyce, I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“Oh,” Eddie said, hoping his worry didn’t show through. 

“From Hopper,” Joyce continued. “He was very excited to have you coming to town to live with him.” 

Eddie’s nerves dissipated a bit. She didn’t have the look of a liar. But his time in Derry had trained him to be wary of all adults, no matter how kind and trusting they might seem. 

“Anyways, we should get going,” Johnathan said, an arm wrapped around Nancy’s waist. “See you later Mom.” 

“Have fun!” Joyce called as their group headed back towards the car. “Be safe! Call me if you need anything!” 

“We will,” Jonathan called back, climbing into the passenger seat. The four of them squished into the back, their shoulders pressed together. Eddie got lucky to have the window seat, Will the only one squashed beside him. 

El and Mike chatted beside them, Mike talking more than EL, but El not seeming to mind. Nancy and Johnathan were talking quietly in the front, easy smiles on both their lips. Eddie felt oddly single for some reason. 

“It doesn’t get better,” Will whispered to him, startling Eddie a bit. “Everyone around here seems to be dating someone for some reason.” 

“Yeah, seems that way,” Eddie said, glancing again at the two couples in the car with them. 

“Did you have anyone back where you came from?” Will asked. 

Richie was the first person to come to mind, his best friend’s face darting into his mind without his consent. He shook the picture away, his gut turning with disgust. He wasn’t allowed that, not before, and not ever. 

“No I don’t,” Eddie shrugged. “What about you? Got any girlfriends?” 

“I’ve decided that dating is not for me,” Will said cheerfully, sending a glare to Mike, who rolled with eyes. Something passed Will’s face when Mike and El leaned in for a kiss, the other boy looking quickly away. Eddie noted that for later. 

“Yeah,” Eddie said, memories of Richie talking about girls, kissing girls, being obsessed with girls all coming to his mind. After all that, he could say that dating wasn’t really his thing either. “I get the feeling.” 

Will grinned at him, something like relief in his eyes and Eddie grinned back. 

So far, the people he had met here would never replace the Losers, not in his heart, not in his soul, but maybe he could get along with them. Maybe he could learn to be friends with them too. 

_______________________________

Eddie ended the day exhausted, his brain practically aching from all the information he had taken in. Nancy and Johnathan had never strayed far from them, but they had definitely done their own thing, leaving the kids alone. Eddie kind of preferred it that way. 

El and Mike were obnoxiously in love the entire time, holding each others hands and whispering comments into each other's ears, giggling as they went. Eddie felt oddly alienated from his new sister, despite the fact that they had gotten along well yesterday. He tried not to take it personally. He was the outsider after all. 

The saving grace was Will, who seemed resigned to the couple’s antics. He still looked away whenever they kissed, pretending to puke once to make Eddie giggle. They had gotten along pretty well, and Eddie was able to distract himself using Will’s easygoing nature. He kind of reminded Eddie of Ben, sweet and quiet, although maybe not as talkative when prompted. Mostly, he just listened to Eddie tell stories of his friends, nodding and smiling and making comments every now and then. 

By the end of the day, he could say that Will was his friend, and he knew nothing more about the town, other than it had a few nice-looking shops. He fell asleep early that night, exhausted from the socialization and the new faces he had to remember. 

A week later, and not much had happened since then. He still hadn’t been able to meet the other people in their ‘Party’, which was only a slightly worse name that the Losers Club. Both Max and Lucas had been busy, and Dustin still out of town. El, Will, and Mike made up for it a bit, by telling him countless stories about their group. 

They sounded cool, but despite it all, he still missed his friends back at home. He had called both Bill and Richie over the past week, talking to them both about his situation and them updating him on how the rest of them were doing. 

It wasn’t enough. 

He didn’t want to hear about how Ben had made another ladder for the clubhouse after the old one broke, he wanted to be there to test it out, to poke fun at Be while he worked and ask endless questions. He wanted to be there when they went over to Mike’s farm cause one of his sheep just gave birth, he wanted to be there when they went to the Aladdin to watch the newest movies. Just _hearing_ about it wasn’t enough. 

It was currently 2 am in the morning. He found that he couldn’t fall asleep. He tossed and he turned and he hoped that the lull of El’s snores would coax him into slumber, but here he was, staring at the wall as if trying to find the meaning of life in the cracks and water stains. 

He felt restless, energy buzzing under his skin, every position he lay in too uncomfortable, causing him to toss and turn every few minutes. He could barely lie still for ten seconds before the feeling of wrongness was back. He wished for the familiar comfort of his old bed, Bill’s couch, Richie’s bed, hell even the clubhouse’s hammock would be better than this. 

He found he couldn’t take it anymore, and he sat up, tossing off the covers and quietly slipping on his slippers. He couldn’t be in the room anymore, the walls feeling too close for comfort. 

As he was walking out, his toe jammed against something hard, sending him stumbling and softly cursing under his breath. He slapped a hand over his mouth, holding still as he waited to see if he woke El up. Luckily, she slept on. He let out a breath and carefully crouched down to see what managed to trip him up. 

Laying on the ground from the first night he slept in the room sat a photo album, the smiling family staring up at him with forever wide-open eyes. Impulsively, he picked it up, slipping out of the room as quietly as he could. 

The cabin was different at night, the corners dark and shadowed. The floorboards creaking almost like

( _you’ll float too_ )

something inside the house was shifting. Little light shone through from the moon, only slightly illuminating the living room. He sat down on the couch anyways, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. 

He reached over towards the lamp on the coffee table, softly clicking it on. It was dull, not much light coming from the flickering bulb, but he closed his eyes and held his breath anyways, waiting for the sound of 

( _we all float down here Eddie_ ) 

either Hopper or El coming to investigate the noise. After a minute of hearing nothing, he let out his breath, staring down at the book in his hand. He didn’t want to open it, a sense of wrongness settling in his soul but it was almost like something was guiding his hands. He flipped open the cover. 

Inside, was a picture of a little boy and girl, the boy holding a ball and grinning, the little girl with her head thrown back in joy. Below it was a caption, written in neat, swirling handwriting. 

_Myra and Jim play ball at Myra’s third birthday._

His mom and Hopper, sitting together, playing together. He looked closer at the little girl, and sure enough, he could see faint wisps of the woman she would become, the chubby cheeks, the stringy hair. Sure enough, it was his mother sitting there. 

On a level, he knew that Hopper was his uncle. But until now, he hadn’t really made the pure connection. He had never thought of Hopper as his moms’ brother. The concept just seemed foreign, due to there absolutely contradicting personalities. But here was solid proof. 

__He kept flipping._ _

__Every single photo was different, some of the other kids, some of his grandparents, some distant relatives he had never met. But throughout it all was his mother, a smiling baby, a grinning toddler, a happy teen._ _

__It looked like his mother alright, but Eddie couldn’t make the connection. He had rarely seen his mother smile, and whenever she did it was the sickly sweet one that always made her cheeks look like plastic. But here she was grinning genuinely, like she was truly happy._ _

__Eddie never made her happy. He worried her, concerned her, made her give up her entire life for him. And as wrong as she was in what she did to him, the guilt had come back in full force. He had been the thing that turned this beautiful smiling child into a sickly and cross woman. Before he knew it. Tears were running down his cheeks, dripping onto the paper._ _

__He was stuck staring at a photo of his parents at their wedding._ _

__He had seen this photo before, distantly remember it form when he was six years old. He had found a framed version in his attic, and he rushed down to show his mom, grinning in childlike innocence. He had never seen a photo of his father before that. All he had to remember him was the distant memories from when he was a baby._ _

__His mother had gone still when she saw it, her chest heaving and tears springing into her eyes, and she had ripped the frame from his hand, screaming in agony as she tossed it across the room, the glass shattering on impact._ _

__Eddie had ran upstairs. They never talked about it, and Eddie never saw another photo of his father again._ _

__Now here he was, staring at the same photo once again. He expected his mother to come out of nowhere, raving and crying and sobbing and begging him to just be a good boy, to listen to her and to stop bringing her grief._ _

__“Eddie?” Hopper said from the doorway, and Eddie jerked in fear, eyes going wide as he shoved the book away like it burned him. For a second, realities merged and instead of staring at Hopper in the doorway it was the towering form of his mother in her signature nightgown, her face red and eyes watery. It was the face when he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, the face that told him that he would get a new pill added to the list, that a new set of locks would be installed._ _

__“Sorry,” He muttered, cowering back into the pillows as the world righted itself and once again it was Hopper, standing in his pyjamas with a worried expression on his face. “I’m sorry.”_ _

__“There’s nothing to be sorry about kid,” Hopper said, slowly stepping towards him. Eddie cowered deeper into the couch despite himself. “What happened?”_ _

__“Nothing,” Eddie said quickly, furiously wiping away the tears and cursing himself for being so fucking stupid. “I’m fine.”_ _

__“None of that,” Hopper scolded. “Obviously something has you upset.”_ _

__The older man sat on the opposite side of the couch, careful not to get too close. There was an air of uncertainty around them, but a part of Eddie just wanted to jump into Hoppers arm and sob. A hole deep inside of himself had opened up, a hole that had been locked up ever since he break down that one summer._ _

__Hopper's hand reached out between them, his fingers gently resting against the book Eddie had shoved there._ _

__“You were looking through it,” Hopper said, his husky voice low. “Is that what’s making you sad? Do you miss her?”_ _

__“My mom?” Eddie croaked out. He shook his head. He didn’t miss her, which was horrible and he was probably a terrible person for it, but he didn’t miss his mother. He missed the stability she provided him, the familiarity that had been ripped from him, but he did not miss her. “What was she like? When she was with you?”_ _

__Hopper let out a startled laugh, blinking in surprise._ _

__“She was something,” He laughed, leaning back. “As a child she loved to play dolls, would force me to play with her. But she had to control all aspects of it, gave me no creative freedom. Sonia was always a bit of a control freak.”_ _

__Eddie knew that already._ _

__“But she was sweet,” Hopper continued. “And kind, she loved helping people. She loved volunteering in the town, and she made the best cookies for the bake sale every year. She delighted in making people smile. The moment she met Frank; you could see the two of them fall in love.”_ _

__Eddie remembered the picture of the two of them on their wedding day, smiling brightly at each other, sparkles in their eyes as they gazed at each other like they held the world in each others eyes. Eddie had only ever seen that look in pictures. He couldn’t imagine it in his mother’s eyes when he had known her, her eyes were always guarded, almost dead._ _

__“We may have not always gotten along,” Hopper said, his voice going soft. “But she was my sister, and I loved her. You should be proud that she was her mother.”_ _

__“I hated her,” He blurted out despite himself, curling into himself again. “She made me sick you know.”_ _

__“What?” Hopper asked, blinking hard. “I mean, okay, I can work with that. Tell me more about whatever the hell that means.”_ _

__“Ever since I could remember she told me I was sick,” Eddie started. “She told me I have asthma mostly, that I was fragile, that I couldn’t run, couldn’t play, couldn’t do anything without risking serious injury. Every little scrape and bruise I got she would take me to the hospital.”_ _

__Hopper said nothing, but nodded when Eddie’s voice trailed off._ _

__“None of it was real. My lungs work perfectly well, and apparently I can run pretty damn fast,” Eddie chuckled without humor. “The problem was inside my head, not my lungs.”_ _

__Hopper was silent for a long time._ _

__“My sister was never perfect,” He started slowly. “Her fatal flaw was that she loved too hard. She loved Frank so much that it destroyed her when he died, and she loved you so much that she let it destroy you.”_ _

__Eddie couldn’t help it anymore, he crossed the space between them and buried himself into Hopper’s arms, ignoring the way the man tensed for a good ten seconds before relaxing around him, his arms securing around Eddie’s frame. It felt good to admit that shit to someone who wasn’t part of the Losers, someone who may never understand everything, but could know just enough to provide the comfort Eddie had lost when he was forced to leave his friends behind._ _

__“I just want to go home,” Eddie whispered. “I don’t want to do this.”_ _

__“I know kid,” Hopper said, his voice rumbling. “You’re going to be okay.”_ _

__For some reason, Eddie believed him._ _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Leave me a comment talking about what you think!!
> 
> Title and all chapter titles from Robert Siken poems <3


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